COLD “GOING ROUND” GLANMIRE?

A local man has been the latest Glanmire resident to complain of having developed what doctors have called “a cold”. The surprised individual, Mark Fitz (“Fitz” not short for anything. His family originally came from Germany where their surname was “Fritz”,  but on moving to Glanmire in the late 1930s to avoid conscription to Hitler’s terrible Nazi business, they were pleasantly surprised to find they could blend in with the locals by simply dropping the “r” in “Fritz” and sound just like any other regular Glanmire family. Apart from the accents) (35) was alarmed to wake up earlier in the week with a runny nose.

Speaking exclusively to Glanmire News Area, Mark said;

“What the fuck like? I spend all fuckin’ day washing my hands. I always wear a mask when I go anywhere. I drink a shaggin’ Vitamin C & Zinc thing every morning. And I take multivitamins as well. I don’t meet anyone. I have fuckin’ hand gel comin’ out me arse at this stage. Oh, and only last week I started making my own juices. Carrot, apple and ginger mostly. And then I wake up on Monday with a fuckin’ runny nose. It’s absolute bullshit I’m tellin’ ya.

“What the fuck like?” - Mark Fitz (“Fitz” not short for anything) (35) at home in bed

GNA has referred Mark’s case to our resident former, but still contesting and appealing the ruling, Doctor, Niamh Nic Gearailt for some tips on how he can get through this troubling time. We hope to have her notions in a future edition.