MAN INCENSED BY TINY STICKER TO KEEP BREAD FRESH

Local man, Gary O’Donoghue (38), was heard ranting in the queue for the bakery in Ryan’s SuperValu on Christmas Eve morning, claiming;

“I swear to Christ if they put one of those tiny stickers on it to seal it I’ll go fucking baloobas.”

Gary claims it’s a conspiracy to get him banned from SuperValu after he had an unpleasant tinder date with a baker four years ago that ended prematurely. 

“Every time, every single time, I end up with this tiny little sticker that you can’t get off without ripping it. There’s just no way. And then what am I supposed to do? Eat the whole thing in a day so it doesn’t go off? Give me a break.” 

Moments later Gary was seen chasing an elderly woman, Bridgette Murphy (83), down the aisles when he believed the sealing sticker on her loaf to be far longer than his own. Gary was tackled to the ground by SuperValu security member (and Mr Gdansk 2014 Runner Up) Lukasz Zielinska (38) and sent home without any bread.

We wish them all a very Happy Christmas.